I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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