I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the day after is always just damage control
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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