Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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