This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
