I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
