where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
