I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
