Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
