I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
