For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
