You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm both gender and math confused
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
