i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
