I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Randomize
