I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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