So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
