Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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