Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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