About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
