it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You took a bar mat shot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
