You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
