Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
