I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
