my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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