alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
