After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
