I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
