just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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