if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
