theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
did i just pee glitter
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The air taste purple.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
