when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
