DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
