Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
