that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
