its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
