1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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