I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
