Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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