she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
