im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
