Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
