Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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