Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
