Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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