Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
