Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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