You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
