This is not my ceiling
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
