Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
