One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
