Ambien. No doubt about it.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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