If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
