I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
